The Loch Lomond and the Trossachs National Park has pulped 3,000 copies of a new map after “an error of judgment” led to an inlet on Inchmoan – an island at the southern end of Loch Lomond – being labelled “Giro Bay”. Oops.
This raises the more general question of unofficial place-names. Any area has plenty of these, whether known to just a few people or in common use, so here is a selection of a few from in and around Glasgow. They are variously affectionate, derogatory or downright obscure.
The Squinty Bridge and the Squiggly Bridge
Recent inventions, and a matching pair. The Squinty Bridge (officially the Clyde Arc) crosses the River Clyde on a diagonal between the foot of Finnieston Street and the STV building. Opened in 2006, it then closed for six months in 2008 after one of the steel cables broke away.
Its Squiggly companion (officially the Tradeston Bridge), opened in 2009 and is a footbridge wiggling across the river half-a-mile or so upstream from the Squinty.
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Heilanman’s Umbrella Among the oldest, most affectionate and most commonly used of Glasgow nicknames, this refers to the impressive and elegant railway bridge that carries the lines in and out of Central Station over Argyle Street. So-called because hard-up Highlanders arriving in 19th-century Glasgow would use it for shelter. The Umbrella is both dry and warm – the latter due in part to the presence of a couple of chip shops – and now nowhere near as suffocatingly fumy as in the early days of bus-deregulation, when it seemed that half of the entire UK bus-driver population could be found revving their engines under its canopy of girders. The Armadillo Another relatively recent addition, this curved lump of shiny metal, officially known as the Clyde Auditorium, was built in 1997 as a sort of annexe – or maybe lounge bar – to the Scottish Exhibition and Conference Centre. On the subject of which, the SECC provides an example of an extinct nickname, as in its early days it was occasionally the Big Red Shed – until they painted it grey. Castle Grayskull Talking of grey – or gray – there is this derogatory name for Ibrox Stadium. It can be taken as read that anyone referring to it in this way is not a fan of Rangers FC. This includes Kilmarnock fan and “sizzling weathergirl” Kirsty McCabe (once of the BBC before it exceeded its quota of Kirstys, now of Daybreak), who was required to issue an apology after using the term on-air in 2006. If there is an equivalent derogatory name for Celtic Park, this writer doesn’t know it. The place is often referred to as “Paradise”, but this is affectionate and likely to be used by those who also plump for Castle Grayskull. Celtic Park itself includes another obsolete nickname: before the stadium became all-seated in 1994, the North Enclosure was commonly known as the Jungle. The Clockwork Orange An oddity, this, given that almost everyone in Glasgow seems to know that it refers to the diminutive trains that scuttle round the 15-station oval of the Glasgow underground, but it is rare to actually hear anyone use the phrase. It’s always the subway, or the underground – and, historically, never the tube, although this usage is starting to creep in from people accustomed to the less-endearing London equivalent. Clatty Pats As might be expected, a variety of Glasgow drinking dens and assorted nightlife emporia go by names other than those which appear in the phonebook To be found in Belmont Lane off Great Western Road, Clatty Pats is actually Cleopatra’s, “one of Glasgow’s most colourful nightspots”, a place “renowned for its sticky carpets and mirrors”. Shut for a while but again open for business, it even has its own T-shirts. Moving downmarket brings Wine Alley in sunny Govan, and at least two pubs going by the colloquial name of the Stab Inn – “a brand new luxury public house” officially known as the Albion Way, just along from Wine Alley, and the now-demolished Cart Bar in Corkerhill. There may be more. Polomint City Like Giro Bay, this is a Greater Glasgow name, still commonly used – in a mildly derogatory fashion – in reference to East Kilbride. It relates to the large number of roundabouts to be found in the first of Scotland’s post-war new towns, and might also be a reflection of the surprisingly low number of roundabouts in Glasgow itself until relatively recent times. In the late 1980s Glasgow had the roundabout part-way along the Clydeside Expressway, the big one where Pollokshaws Road meets Barrhead Road near Cowglen golf club, and not very many others. The Dumpling Officially – in terms of the Ordnance Survey – known as Duncryne, this grassy 142-metre hill just east of Gartocharn gives a view out of all proportion to its height, with Loch Lomond and the surrounding hills (and indeed Inchmoan, home of the controversial bay) being seen to good advantage. The Dumpling was the favourite morning- and evening-stroll hill of the great Tom Weir, who lived in Gartocharn for many years and who climbed it hundreds if not thousands of times. The Cobbler A few miles further north, one of the most impressively rocky hills in Scotland is given as Ben Arthur on quite a few maps. Very few people call it this, however, and if they do it’s a dead giveaway that they’re visiting from Stevenage or somewhere. Having said that, the esteemed hill-name researcher Peter Drummond has long lobbied for Ben Arthur to be rehabilitated. Not on any account to be confused, however, with Ben Arfa, a French-Tunisian midfielder currently in the employ of Newcastle United. Note that Ben Arfa has made an appearance at Castle Grayskull (qv). Hill 60 Named – for reasons that are unclear – after a Great War battleground near Ypres, in Glasgow terms Hill 60 is one of the highest bits of ground (possibly the highest – it’s hard to tell because of the trees) in Queen’s Park on the south side of the city. Close by is the better-known flagpole viewpoint, seen as the traditional “summit” of the park. Hill 60 is the area of open woodland just across to the west, topped by a couple of boulders, and is mainly used by runners, dog-walkers and as a gay cruising-ground.Donate to us: support independent, intelligent, in-depth Scottish journalism from just 3p a day
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