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Red noses all round for the parliamentary sketch-writers

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From Ronnie Reagan to The Governator to Law & Order star Fred Thompson, actors have always been able to enter stage-right to the top table of US politics. The concept of actor-turned-politician in Britain is rarer, save for Glenda Jackson’s 19 years as a Labour MP. Politician-turned-actor is a little more complex. Some may subscribe to the lines from As You Like It – “All the world's a stage, / And all the men and women merely players” – with our elected representatives considered the least convincing actors. That’s certainly the origin of the “How can you tell when a politician is lying? His lips move” gag, which is so old it first surfaced on a carved rock edict around the time of King Ashoka. This past weekend has, nevertheless, been instructive in one aspect of British public life. Comic Relief has given us the opportunity to critique the acting skills of our last two prime ministers.

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Four years ago, Tony Blair met Catherine Tate’s stroppy schoolgirl creation Lauren Cooper: This weekend, Gordon Brown sat at a planning meeting convened by James Corden’s Smithy character from Gavin and Stacey, and also attended by Richard Madeley, Davina McCall, Trigger from Only Fools And Horses, Justin Bieber, Sebastian Coe and two Beatles. Just in case the directorships dry up, and our last two PMs end up in panto, it's worth assessing the two films: Timing Blair’s sketch was filmed early in 2007, when he already knew he was on his way out – he left office in June that same year. His repetition of the Tate catchphrase “Am I bovvered?” is OK in an am-dram sort of way. As anyone who watched Brown deliver party conference jokes such as his Arctic Monkeys/Arctic Circle stinker will know, and as those with memories of the botched attempt at a 2007 election will recall, timing was never his strong suit. The fact that thousands on Twitter wished he’d filmed this potentially vote-winning sketch 12 months ago suggest it still isn’t. Verdict: Blair win. Humility Blair treats a potential voter of the future with contempt and even cheekily purloins her catchphrase. Brown teases himself about “having time on my hands”, allows Corden to rip him for his radio mic debacle with Mrs Duffy and happily cedes other celebs including Trigger and Keira Knightley to go on the Comic Relief trip ahead of him. Verdict: Easy Brown win. Respect Lauren Cooper shows Blair precious little. Brown fares better. Corden calls the MP for Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath “Big Dog”. Long-time Labour supporter Dermot O’Leary says “That’s a great man” when Brown offers his services and he even gets props from Marvin from boyband JLS. Verdict: Brown has rather stage-managed win. Loss of dignity You could argue that after wearing a bomber jacket while standing next to George W Bush and planning a war milllions saw as illegal, a sketch with Catherine Tate was a flesh wound. But Blair’s desperation to be liked, his gusto in delivering the “Am I Bovvered? Face – Bovvered?” catchphrase is so shamelessly revealing about him as to be almost sad. Brown offers to duet with JLS and does the actions, rather unconvincingly, to Everybody in Love – but, again, his timing is off. Being move-perfect would not have bolstered his fiscal credibility any. Verdict: Brown win. Shock factor By the time Blair did his sketch, he’d been interviewed by little Ant and little Dec, Des O’Connor, June Sarpong, and turned up to the Brit Awards to gladhand David Bowie. Everyone knew he had that “you like me” affliction also visited upon Sally Field. Therefore, his participation was not entirely unexpected. The Corden sketch is full of jaw-dropping moments, from the cast of Harry Potter singing the theme tune for Only Fools And Horses and Professor Robert Winston quoting Whitney Houston as he sits next to Knightley, to the (then) England football captain pretending to cry. In participating, Brown is well out his comfort zone. By the end of the sketch, a politician clearly not considered A People Person is offering JLS out for a pint. Where else but Comic Relief would you see JB of JLS saying “Let’s bounce” to a former prime minister? Verdict: Brown win. Messaging From a charity perspective, neither is perfect. Blair plays it for pure laughs, which is maybe the sole point of these sketches, but Sir Paul McCartney talking about how Africans don’t have enough food because they eat too much, even if it’s a joke at Corden’s girth, is borderline offensive (to them, not Corden). Brown stays on-message, despite grimacing at the idea of close contact with African children. Verdict: Nearly a no-score draw, but Brown talking about the “amazing work” funded by Comic Relief means he scrapes a win. Overall verdict Gordon Brown and Tony Blair both show they have a sense of humour, but we knew this already from their having appointed Hazel Blears and James Purnell to positions of high office. And “Do Something Funny for Money” should be encouraged as long as it doesn’t involve peerages. The relish and brio with which Blair attacks his lines suggests he has the edge, but Brown wins popularity points for one obvious reason. As a past prime minister rather than a sitting one, as Blair then was, the audience only really learns to love you when you’ve left the stage. So a Brown win, but both former Labour leaders tower above the current incumbent with his “David, I love you so much as a brother” masterclass in bad acting. Judged as a comedy sketch, that might be the funniest of the three.
– To support the work funded by Comic Relief, go to www.bbc.co.uk/rednoseday or call 03457 910910.

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