Matt Forde
Children need to be taken seriously
by Matt Forde
National Head of Service for NSPCC Scotland
Make no mistake, sexual abuse is a major problem for children in Scotland. It’s not just something that happens in a particular community, or is perpetrated by an identifiable ‘type’..
Sexual abuse is pernicious – by its very nature hidden, isolating, and with an impact that can last a lifetime. The dreadful reality exposed by the Jimmy Savile case is that children find it incredibly hard to speak out; indeed a third of all children who are abused never speak to anyone about it, even when they are adults.
If we continue to shy away from talking about this issue, are we in danger of reinforcing it as something shameful and unspeakable that its victims dare not share?
Savile inquiry
Victims still coming forward
This month, more than a year after our joint report with the Metropolitan Police on Savile, victims are still coming forward. These are people left on their own with the trauma of abuse – abuse that was perpetrated by someone trusted.
Children need to be heard and to be taken seriously, but behind all that, they need to know what is right and wrong in the first place! It seems so blindingly obvious, yet we are paralysed by fear at the prospect of broaching such a difficult subject.
My first reaction when we, in the NSPCC, first began planning this campaign was to feel a little uncomfortable. Even talking about the need to talk about sexual abuse was tricky. I thought back, guiltily, to how I’d handled the issue with my own two children – knowing I hadn’t handled it at all. I’d dodged it, save for warnings about not talking to strangers.
Just because I didn’t talk to them about it, didn’t mean it hadn’t preyed on my mind. I remember nagging worries about all sorts of situations; coaches at sports clubs, group leaders, babysitters – the whole range of different adults who were a normal part of my kids’ lives. Yet I did nothing more concrete than exist in a sort of worried, ineffectual, state of alert and fear about what might happen. I think I have that in common with a lot of parents.
Looking back, I wish I’d had access to some simple guidance, which could walk me through the conversation and allay my fears about its impact. Given the response to the first phase of our Underwear Rule campaign last year, it seems that parents up and down the country agree with me.
People want to talk about these issues with their children, but they find it really hard to do. Am I saying something that is too full on? Am I exposing my child to things they shouldn’t have to think about?
Underwear Rule
Makes sense to children and adults
The beauty of the Underwear Rule is that it makes such sense to children as well as to adults. It’s an age appropriate way of making sure children speak up if something happens – the words abuse or sex don’t even come into the conversation.
One of the oddest things that happened in this campaign was that we found it difficult to get our first radio clips run before the watershed. So, in effect, a campaign that was aimed at helping mums, dads and carers have a simple conversation with their little ones was too controversial to be broadcast before bedtime.
We’ll take accusations that the campaign is ‘twee’ on the chin. We’ll agree that the subject matter is uncomfortable. But above all else, we stand firm on that fact that it’s necessary. Put your reservations and discomfort to one side and have a look at our materials. It’s a quick conversation – easier than you think – and it could make a big difference to those you love the most.
Like I say, it’s difficult even to talk about the need to talk about sexual abuse.