By Stewart Weir
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It made for a great picture, so long as you ignore the fact most newlyweds can’t lay their hands on an Aston Martin DB6 Volante. It was nothing more than a corny, cheap, stating-the-obvious publicity stunt, tailor-made to attract maximum exposure just when things were going quiet. Which is why I once hired an Aston Martin DB5, entirely to fit in with the headline "Bond’s Back" on a publicity shoot I organised ahead of snooker player Nigel Bond’s return to the Crucible in 2001. Indeed, I hired two cars and a couple of Bond-like girls to accompany him and them. Countless publications used it, and we even transported Nigel to the venue in this most-gorgeous set of wheels, which the BBC made full use of. And those pictures and footage have continued to appear ever since. In 2009, ahead of another televised event, I got away with using those same eight-year-old pics. So folks, you probably haven’t seen the last of that other Aston, or its passengers. Still in London, ‘Arry Redknapp was bemoaning the fact that while we can put a man on the moon we don’t have a away of deciding whether a ball has crossed the line or not. Spurs can feel hard done to, as the saw a winning position turn to a losing one against Chelsea thanks to two poor decisions made by the referees' assistants, or linesmen as I still call them (even if they are women). Chelsea were the beneficiaries on this occasion, as was Frank Lampard – whose shot it was that squirmed through Heurelho Gomes and "over" the line. If you listen to the old football adage, things even themselves up over the course of a year. So, Lampard got a goal he shouldn’t have got, when last summer he didn’t get a goal he should have been awarded. And as every follower of the great game knows, things will eventually balance themselves out on the football’s scales of justice. Three league points and a win over Spurs, against progression in the World Cup and a win over Germany. I’d get Trading Standards in to have a look at those scales… Sunday And it’s a mournful Sunday with Eddie Turnbull, Ted Lowe and Sir Henry Cooper all moving on to that big sports stadium in the sky. Cooper was the only one I didn’t work with, although I did meet him. His career ended in controversy just over 40 years ago, beaten on points by the young pretender, Joe Bugner – who, in one dubious verdict, was elevated to the status of British, Commonwealth and European champion, great white hope and public enemy no.1. Beating ‘Our ‘Enry’ was not a great career move for Bugner, although it did Cooper no long-term harm as he became a semi-permanent fixture for a decade, as a captain on A Question of Sport or alongside Kevin Keegan and Barry Sheene advertising the great smell of Brut. I recall at the time of the Bugner fight that one of the big car manufacturers (I think it was Ford) was doing a promotion for a new range and had signed Hungarian-born Joe to be their face. A classmate of mine appeared the day after the fight with Bugner postcards, provided by his old man who was in the car trade, heralding Bugner as champion and proclaiming how much he enjoyed driving the new model. My pal couldn’t give them away for friendship or money. Even ten-year-olds were disgusted at the outcome. I shared a press box, a phone and a notepad with Eddie Turnbull a few times. His managerial days were behind him when he signed up to be a "name" for an all-new sports paper in the late 80s, as did quite a few of his ilk. It was something of a shock for him (as was my style of ghostwriting) to find his name appearing on the pages of a publication which found a world war two bomber on the moon, reported that a monkey had landed a plane and boasted (and boosted) several dozen big-busted girls from around the world, suitably enhanced by plastic, silicone or Apple Mac. Columnist for the Sunday Sport wasn’t quite what Eddie (or any of the other celebrities) quite expected. But the money wasn’t bad, and it got Eddie, who was always good company, out to the football. And, he outlasted that paper by a month. There was something ironic that Ted Lowe chose to whisper for the last time on the day of the world snooker final, given that 15 years before, the world final between Stephen Hendry and Peter Ebdon had been his retirement bash. As I was press officer for World Snooker (a position that gave me diplomatic immunity, a personal UN security team and a 20/20 insight into what went on behind the scenes), Ted presented me with a beautifully handwritten letter, etched by fountain pen, the basis of his farewell speech and retirement announcement. It looked less impressive once it appeared on a computer screen, or in print, and especially once it had been put into tabloid–speak. Sadly, Ted’s farewell was somewhat overshadowed by the events surrounding a certain Ronnie O’Sullivan. It was also played down massively by snooker’s governing body, whose key board members were such an insecure and paranoid bunch that they first didn’t want any release to go out on their behalf, then wanted to censor what Ted had to say, then changed their mind because they wanted to make more out of Ted because they didn’t want the final overshadowed by Hendry who they feared was becoming bigger than the game itself. Who said snooker was simple? Monday Perhaps John Higgins, or perhaps not. His story is quite remarkable. Suspended for six months this time last year for bringing the game in to disrepute, he came back, won in Germany, won the UK Championship, lost his father, friend and long-term travelling buddy John senior to cancer, before winning a fourth world title against Judd Trump. Trump’s day might come. He is just 21 – although, putting that in context, he was still older than the youngest-ever winner, a certain Stephen Gordon Hendry. Trump was exciting to watch, but snooker is a game where you cannot take liberties and better potters than he have found over the years that the more flash you are, the more likely you are to burn. Higgins has the drive and desire to win again, and possibly again. Given everything he has been through, there was always going to be emotion and tears afterwards. They didn’t have to be coaxed out of him by Hazel Irvine, who seemed intent on getting the right reaction from Higgins. Although, in saying that, she must be the first reporter in history to actually start crying herself because she knew what effect her line of questioning was going to have on the newly crowned king of the baize. This was also the day where the most evil, despised and hated man in the world was tracked down and taken out. However, there are no reports that Celtic are looking for a new manager… Tuesday With Osama bin Laden dead and Rangers fans banned from Europe, has there ever been a safer time to travel? It appears as if UEFA’s threats and financial hits have finally knocked some sense in the Ibrox support, who have responded by pledging to self-police any sectarian singing. Representatives of around 80 supporters clubs (is Jürgen Klinsmann Loyal still going?), the Rangers Supporters Trust, the Rangers Assembly and the Blue Order met and vowed “to eradicate” the problem “by more stringent self-policing." If you see me turning blue in the near future, it will only be because I’ve been holding my breath for so long. This week’s winner of the “But for the grace of God” award goes across the seas to Ireland for this entry. Easily done. Now, where’s that CD of my favourite Irish singer, Ella Fitzgerald… Wednesday And there is a bit of an outcry as badminton chiefs are called "sexist" with plans to force women players to wear skimpy skirts instead of shorts at the London Olympics. The new dress code – based on advice from sports marketing giants Octagon as they attempt to lift audience figures for the women’s game - would come into effect at this summer's world championships at Wembley Arena, and would also apply to the 2012 Olympics. The increased popularity of women’s volleyball, where scantily-clad athletes are the norm, appears to have given notion that the one-size-fits-all fix for female sport is to wear less. In women’s sport, dress codes are highly controversial. Golf and tennis have sexed-up, for want of a better description, while not so long ago even Sepp Blatter suggested women wore hotpants in football. I bet he’d want cameras in the goals then. Thursday We all know the English Premier League is the best league in the world. Because those who cover and promote the English Premier League tell us so. That’s why Spain's La Liga had two clubs in the semi-finals of the Champions League, and why Portugal’s Primeira Liga had three teams – Braga, Benfica and Porto – in the last four of the Europa League, and now both finalists. All of which will be forgotten if Sir Alex’s boys do their stuff at Wembley. Friday A week ago, I signed off by saying “things might be brighter around Ibrox should Mr Whyte’s takeover take place next Tuesday. Or not, as will probably be the case, again…” And guess what? It now appears if today is the day that Craig Whyte will finally take over at Rangers. That’s if it’s not next Tuesday again…Want to discuss other issues? Join the debate on our new Scottish Voices forum
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