By Stewart Weir
Saturday
The Rugby World Cup reaches the sudden-death stage. Lose and you go home.
This Saturday morning feels like an old Five Nations day from bygone years, with an all-Celtic clash between Ireland and Wales, while England and France meet in the other game, with Scotland tucked up in front of the telly.
Of course, years ago these matches would have been simultaneous, with one live and the other in highlight form later, for everyone in front of the telly, not just the Scots.
Wales won, so did France, comfortably. That just left England to pack and head for home.
In 2003, they were winners; in 2007, runners-up. So 2011 has been a bit of a disaster, as it was for the Scots. I took it upon myself to calculate just how far behind, or in front of, Andy Robinson’s side are in relation to the English in the world rankings.
This meant taking the respective merits and talents of the squads, weight and height, experience and number of caps, what league they play in, their club side, who their team-mates are, try counts, kicking accuracy, media evaluations, salary bracket, appearances on A Question of Sport and Twitter followers. A very complex and intensive matrix.
And at the end of that process, I worked out that Scotland were just a week behind, or in front of England…
Sunday
Years ago, even before he grew in his "Mallen Streak", Dickie Davies fronted ITV’s World of Sport, seen as many as a rival to Grandstand, but in just as many ways, very different.
One thing they did do was to show small packages of sport from around the globe, the world of sport I suppose.
Just after Brian Moore’s football preview and the annual penalty kick competition, Dickie would come on and give an insight into sport and events from across the world.
It was the first place I saw Aussie Rules, gridiron with highlights of the Superbowl, and the All-Ireland finals. It also introduced me to the Bathurst 1000.
In terms of Australia’s traditional sporting occasions, Bathurst ranks alongside the Melbourne Gold Cup, the Hobart to Sydney yacht race, Boxing Day at a Test match, or Grand Finals in Aussie Rules and Rugby League.
While motorsport has become sanitised (and safer) in many ways, there is something raw about Bathhurst. Maybe it’s the brutal sound of giant V8s roaring, or that the cars are like big taxis (albeit $500,000 taxis), or that the fans are divided as any Old Firm crowd, either backing Ford or Holden.
Or it might be that the race takes place up and over the natural obstacle that is Mount Panorama.
The track, all six-and-a-quarter kilometres of it, twists, turns, rises and falls over the hill. And the drivers (there are two to a car) get plenty of practice during the race, running around it 161 times – which even when hitting speeds of over 300kph (185mph in real money) takes around seven hours to complete. A motoring marathon.
This year, Garth Tander (partnered by Nick Percat) won the race from Craig Lowndes, separated after 1,000km of flat-out racing by just 0.29 seconds. That’s what I call motor racing…
Monday
And England’s Rugby World Cup goes from bad to worse as Manu Tuilagi receives a police warning and is fined £3,000 by England rugby officials for jumping off a ferry in Auckland harbour.
There was no word on whether he beat the ferry, but the 20-year-old highlighted what has been a fraught trip for the English, what with dwarf-throwing exploits (although no dwarfs were actually thrown), late-night drunken liaisons with young ladies, and abusive comments made to females.
A quiet night out for some rugby teams the length and breadth of the country, but not when you are followed night and day by a press pack.
No surprise that England chose to come in the back door when they arrived back at Heathrow.
It had been an expensive trip for Tuilagi, also fined $10,000NZ by World Cup organisers for breaking the tournament's strict commercial regulations by wearing a branded gumshield.
Still, knowing how these things work, he’ll probably have already been signed up for a pizza advert…
Tuesday
Scotland’s new football kit is officially unveiled, although some folk decided it was just too good to keep under wraps and flashed it at the weekend.
It’s the first bespoke design from the house of Adidas, who previously had given the Scots an off-the-shelf number when Diadora got washed out.
When it comes to football strips, especially Scotland, I am a traditionalist. I detested that "butcher's apron" strip from a few years back, while I could never quite fathom the "subdued" tartan effort from Euro 96. It’s either full-blown tartan or it’s not. Give me a Wembley 67 or World Cup 74 top any day, and it’s nice to see they’ve re-adopted the circular Scotland badge.
What they’ve also given us on this top is, to quote the official bumf, a “unique Saltire embossing [which] incorporates a range of sources from around Scotland that champion the Scottish FA’s rich footballing history – including the old and new Hampden Park, the Lion Rampant, the Thistle, the 1928 ball used in the 5–1 demolition of England at Wembley Stadium, the Fleur De Lis and the date 1873 – the year of the Scottish FA’s foundation.”
Wow. Have a look. As I said earlier in the week, from a distance it looks like yer maw has taken the electric iron to it.
But if you are going to include incidents and items from our "rich footballing history", at least give us the highlights.
Why not beating England in 1967, or Jim Baxter playing keepy-uppy in that game, or Joe Jordan’s diving header against Czechoslovakia, or Dalglish’s goals against Wales at Anfield or Spain at Hampden?
Of course, Adidas have missed a marketing trick here. Because how many members of the Tartan Army would have bought the strip if they’d featured the "alternative" highlights?
We could have featured the Tartan Army itself, the Scottish fans digging up the pitch at Wembley, pulling down the goalposts at Wembley, Jimmy Johnstone’s rowing boat, the "Copenhagen Five", the ball that moved when Gary McAllister missed that penalty, John Collins celebrating the final whistle after three seconds of the "one team in Tallinn".
The list is endless. Enough material (excusing the pun) for the away top and the third-change jersey, should we ever play someone else who wears dark blue with an equally chequered footballing history.
On the pitch, Scotland are given a lesson by Spain. Former international Kevin Gallacher (whose line that he scored against Spain’s record caps holder Andoni Zubizeretta completely washed over BBC commentator Liam McLeod) pondered like many the differences between the two teams. Most commentators and journalists did.
Was it their ability to keep possession, was it the skill levels, was it their prowess in front of goal, or were they just better players and athletes?
My favourite line came on Twitter. Debating the differences between Spain and Scotland, one tweeter said: “Gerard Piqué shags Shakira; [player name redacted] shags Agnes from Easterhouse. That’s the difference."
Wednesday
Like Harry Hill, I should maybe get a jingle for "The Morning After The Night Before" intro. This time, there isn’t really a hangover. We all knew Scotland wouldn’t be going to the Euro 2012 finals, some of us a damn sight quicker than others.
Did those guys who wrote about Scotland beating Spain do so because they actually believed it, or, was it just a way to make sure they got an away trip to Alicante?
With failure comes the usual post-mortem. Scotland got off to a bad start, a draw against a poor Lithuanian side, a scrambled win against Liechtenstein (when I realised we wouldn’t be going anywhere next summer), that 4-6-0 night in Prague and a home loss to Spain.
But Craig Levein will get another chance to get it right in the World Cup qualifying. And the good news (which we were quickly told) is that only Croatia from our 2014 group reached the Euro playoffs, handily ignoring that Wales have just won in Bulgaria, that Belgium were third behind Germany and Turkey, or that Serbia finished third behind Italy and Estonia.
Yes, Estonia. They’ll play the Republic of Ireland for a place in Poland and Ukraine next summer.
Estonia. They’ve come a long way since they didn’t turn up for that game in Tallinn. What’s happened to the other nation from that game…?
Thursday
I was half-expecting to see my TV screen edged in black when Sky Sports News broke the story that Wayne Rooney had to serve a three-match suspension following his red card against Montenegro the other night.
That rules him out of the three group matches in Euro 2012, we were told, ignoring the possibility that it could rule him out the entire tournament if England fail to progress. His ban could be appealed by England, but they run the risk of the penalty being increased. Oh what will England do, with or without him?
Personally I liked the line that (allegedly) Rooney’s old man got 16/1 on him being banned for three games … allegedly!
Friday
Much is written this morning about former WBA heavyweight champion David Haye and his retirement from boxing.
With his world crown lost, Wladimir Klitschko unlikely to give him a return and his older brother Vitali unsure of his future plans, Haye has decided not renew his licence, also denying that it was a ploy to get one of the Klitschkos back in the ring next year.
Ironically, the day Haye retires, former world featherweight champion Scott Harrison has his application for his boxing licence revoked by the British Boxing Board of Control. It remains to be seen if this is the clerical cockup Harrison claims it is.
The Glaswegian beat Victor Santiago to become WBO featherweight champion in 2002, and regained it against Manuel Medina in 2003.
However, he withdrew from a title defence in May 2006, then checked into the Priory Clinic in London citing problems with depression and alcohol, was duly stripped of his WBO crown, lost his licence to box, was declared bankrupt and was later jailed in Spain.
While missing his titles, Haye has called it a day still at the top with his well-being intact. At 34, you wish Harrison might consider doing the same. Or maybe the BBBoC will do it for him…
– Tweet Stewart Weir with thoughts and comments, @sweirz
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