By Elizabeth McQuillan
If you balk at the very thought of using words such as "penis", "masturbation" or "sexually transmitted" to educate your your pre-teen kids about the birds and the bees, then you are certainly not alone. A recent survey of 9,000 young people showed that 46 per cent said they had received "nothing" or "not a lot" of information on sex and relationships from their parents.
This is a pretty poor show from a generation of parents who themselves thought that French kissing was the method by which a baby was made, and grew up believing masturbation to be a dirty deed, thanks to their parents' inability to talk about sex. My own education in the face of impending puberty was to be told by my mum that I would bleed once a month, and this event signalled my becoming a young woman. Crippled with embarrassment, she then handed me a packet of sanitary towels the size of a pillow. Eew, both scary and unhelpful in the absence of insight and explanation.
Parents are often too embarrassed, feel unconfident on the facts or are unsure what is age-appropriate sexual and relationship chat. Unfortunately, this leaves kids in a vulnerable place as they approach puberty and engage in relationships with their peer group. Surrounded daily by overwhelming sexual imagery and lyrics within their interactive iMedia world, children are connecting with sexual references at an early age. With kids as young as 12 years old becoming sexually active, it is vital that parents provide the information they need before their offspring are left in a position where they must make choices.
Another study, from the University of Pittsburg, demonstrated that teens who said they listened to lots of music with degrading sexual messages were almost twice as likely to start having intercourse or other sexual activities within the following two years, as compared with teens who listened to little or no sexually degrading music. Among heavy listeners, 51 per cent started having sex within two years, versus 29 per cent who said they listened to little or no sexually degrading music. Statistics worth considering.
Many rap and hip-hop song lyrics flaunt men as insatiable sex beasts, chasing women who enjoy their role as inconsequential tit'n'arse sex objects. Opening a discussion about musical content might be the way to start a conversation about sex and relationships with your kids.
The sexual health charity the Family Planning Association (FPA) has responded to the lack of parental sex education by launching a Facts of Life national campaign to empower parents with the necessary skills and information to talk easily about puberty, relationships and sex.
“Explaining to a five-year-old where babies come from might be challenging enough," said Julie Bentley, chief executive of the FPA. "But as children get older, parents have things like the internet, fashion, music videos, gaming and pornography to deal with. It’s no wonder parents struggle with how to talk to their children about these difficult subjects.
"We’ve produced a leaflet and online information, because we don’t think there’s enough practical support for parents. They should be reassured that with the right help and advice talking about the facts of life with your child doesn’t have to be difficult. And many parents find that once they start addressing the often taboo subject of sexual health and relationships as a family conversation, other subjects also become more straightforward as well.”
The FPA has spent a decade helping 15,000 parents talk through the facts of life with their children through their Speakeasy parenting programme. This was launched in Scotland in 2008, and more than 700 parents have taken part. The Facts of Life campaign aims to build on this work by disseminating almost 200,000 copies of the FPA leaflet Puberty, relationships and sex – Talking to your children with confidence across the UK.
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