So, where should Colonel Muammar Abu Minyar al-Gaddafi go? His avowed intention is to stay in power in Libya rather than head for some foreign flee-hole, but his brief and bizarre appearance on Libyan state TV last night didn’t exactly give the impression that here was a man intent on sticking around for very long.
Speaking from half-inside an armoured limo – and looking like some weird mix of Charles Bronson, a particularly ragged-period Bob Dylan and, courtesy of the umbrella, Gene Kelly – he said “I am in Tripoli and not in Venezuela”.
Not for long, though, according to most informed opinion, given that Gaddafi must be increasingly fearful of ending his days strung from some North African lamppost should he not make a hasty helicopter- and private jet-assisted departure.
So, where should he go, and where would he be welcome? Here are a few options…
Italy
An odd one this, in that one of the first things Gaddafi did when he came to power in 1969 was to expel the Libyan Italian population. There was also the incident in 1986 when he ordered two Scud missiles to be fired at the US coastguard station on the Italian island of Lampedusa, in retaliation for the US bombing raid on Tripoli and Benghazi. So on that basis he isn’t likely to receive a warm welcome, even several decades on.
Things have been friendlier of late, however, with the signing in 2008 of a cooperation treaty between the two countries, with the Libyans attempting to stop illegal emigration and the Italians paying $5 billion by way of compensation for the Italian occupation during the first half of the twentieth century.
Trouble is, the 2008 treaty was signed by a certain Silvio Berlusconi, who doesn’t have his own troubles to seek at present. Perhaps the two beleaguered leaders could share a cell somewhere.
Malta
An even shorter Mediterranean hop than Italy, and the chosen asylum destination of yesterday’s high-profile Libyan defectees – two Mirage F1 fighter pilots who landed on the island ostensibly after an in-flight emergency.
The pilots, as yet unnamed, are said to be colonels. There seem to be a lot of colonels in Libya. Given that they made their extremely fast exit after refusing to carry out orders to attack civilian protesters in Benghazi, this does however tend to suggest that the big boss colonel isn’t likely to be joining them on a Valletta vacation any time soon.
Venezuela
Even though it has been forcefully denied by Gaddafi – who put the suggestion down to television reports from “those dogs” – the idea of escaping to Venezuela has clearly crossed his mind. Quite how this might work is unclear – it’s a long way from the north coast of Africa to the north coast of South America, and Gaddafi is known to be fearful of flying over water – but various countries in that region have historically provided sanctuary for on-the-run tyrants and ne’er-do-wells.
Venezuela was also, endearingly, the destination of choice for Andy and Charlie (played by Robert Buchanan and Graham Thompson) in Gregory’s Girl, in which they were to be seen standing beside the road in Cumbernauld clutching a hand-written hitch-hiking sign reading “Caracas” (where they believed that the women greatly outnumbered the men).
Andy and Charlie never got there. Perhaps Colonel Gaddafi will have better luck.
Ukraine
Not the most likely-sounding destination for the colonel to live out his remaining days, but there are always compensations. One of the revelations to emerge from the recent splurge of WikiLeaks is that the Libyan leader is said to be “very close” to a “voluptuous blonde” Ukrainian nurse named Galyna Kolotnytska.
Should the happy couple choose to return to Kolotnytska’s homeland, she will surely make Gaddafi – who turns 70 next year – very happy in their retirement dacha.
Scotland
There is surely scope for reciprocation here. We looked after one Libyan – Abdelbaset Mohmed Ali al-Megrahi – for a number of years, then put him on a plane to Tripoli, where he was warmly welcomed by Colonel Gaddafi. Now that Gaddafi himself has domicile issues, let’s again invoke compassion and note that “In Scotland, we are a people who pride ourselves on our humanity” – to quote justice minister Kenny MacAskill in his statement on the release of al-Megrahi.
MacAskill said that al-Megrahi “faces a sentence imposed by a higher power”. In due course – perhaps even sooner than al-Megrahi should he not move quickly – the ageing Gaddafi will have to answer to that selfsame power. Could he not be invited to see out his days in Scotland – if not in a nice cottage in Strathpeffer or Plockton, then perhaps in a not-long-vacated cell in Barlinnie or Greenock?
With an election looming, and with the opinion polls indicating a tight contest, a second magnanimous gesture by MacAskill could prove crucial in terms of vote-winning come May. What could possibly go wrong?
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